#Thirtyone

- The scare shameful 6 year old who’s still hiding - 

-  Allow me to preface, today I am grateful. Today I am happy. Today my then is not my now.  The words I share are my thoughts , and or experiences , that I speak into the air only for therapeutic cause. If it’s spoke though literal words, video , or photography - it’s my method of healing and letting go.  That being said,  I assure you I am safe and sound and sitting in gratitude.  -

Now as I’m rolling into the big 3-9,  I have had plenty of time to see through my experiences some overlooked details if and in myself.  One being that I am not so comfortable in my own skin, to an extent.   Mind you, this is all based off of my internal thinking, I have had support through and though a I grew from being a closeted gay to an openly gay man when I was 18.  Looking back it’s safe to say, I think the gay flag , for me, started flying around 6 years old or in those after years but that early.  At the time I had no idea what gay was but I knew from what I heard around me is gay is bad.  

Since coming out I have had support from everyone around me except I think from myself.  

Why do I say that? Because I truly loved myself and the gay man I was then my choices maybe would have been better choices then ultimately trying to kill my self slowly or not caring for my health as much as I should especially since there generation before me who literally fought for me to be here today.  I if I loved that queer gay man inside my heart I would take action and be proud and lived in my light.

In my journey though I see now I had to go through all that darkness to be able to stand here today and finally talk to that scared embarrassed shameful gay six year old who is hiding at the bottom of my heart  and tell him that it is ok to be who you are.

Anthony it is ok to be who you are.