Crowded places - BANKS
Hey, hey, hey, heyHey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey
I wanna get you in my spaces
I wanna take you different places
I know the touring is romantic
I know you see me as a frantic girl
But I can give you what you want
I know you like the way I held my temper
When I gave you to the world, gave you to the world
I can be your heart to let go
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
Come with me, I'll take you home
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
Come with me, I'll take you home
I know I messed with your head
It was just when I left you
When I was just blowing up when I said
Remember when I loved you right before that tour?
You said you didn't wanna see me anymore
And then when I got home, when I played that show in L.A
All your sh*t was gone
It was the only time I thought I'd made a mistake
And when I only wanna hold you
I thought I wanted you to hold me
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
Come with me, I'll take you home
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
Come with me, I'll take you home
It falls to death so talk with me
This life, what if it's you and me?
Don't know, oh no
Maybe that means we'll fall from grace
It'd be OK, I'd have your face with me
You'll see, you'll see, you'll see, you'll see
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey
the echo
The moment in time when it was realized i was in an echo
was a time that i felt once again defeated.
Succeeding at nothing, but mastering at the pattern.
To distance from the grip did not increase the outcome to clarity but instead u-turned back into the echo.
Realizing i am not he, am i trying to be he? why would one exit from being the version he hated being and slide so casually into role no different then the the suit once worn.
I am but fearful of the me i forgot i once was. Being lost in the other, being lost in being lost has finally took its toll, leaving me with little change but a pocket full of doubt.
I am ready to begin, I am ready to claim my last cat life and understand finally something else.
anything else.. something beneficiary to something bigger then the everything now.
Dear J [ohn] W [ayne]
Unsure of the unsure. De clouded and still diranged a thought or two links here.
Of the three time frame of time. Before during after . or the lay out to any good story. Beginning Middle End. regardless of the three or how i describe them in understanding form..a soundtrack of sorts. Not accurate but feelings. Or feeling once felt. Not a blame game but my feelings can my feeling here on my site where they are not wrong. for myself i guess, Questions unanswered. Fingers without purpose of pointing are finally sleeping comfortable. The this and that are directed now to not ego and shame but tomorrow and the next. the capability of understanding not of the wrongs or the who's wrongs but understanding the now and appreciating the then; bad or good.
Gratitude i will always sit in no matter the thoughts or assumption of which i not. I do. I did. I take back nothing but take with me understanding me more. my no's ,my not wants. my wants. my strength. my corrections. my focus. my passion. my hopes and the love. the love is and was and will always be. even if its not the idea of what we both thought it to be. The love was love. i can not and will not speak for your nor say what i think you think but i will say my love or what is assumed as lack there of -still moved and motivated and confused the simplicity of what love was especially from what it was at the beginning. the love was diluted and what i thought it was or suppose to be set it up to seem as though exact opposite or even just a contradiction and for that my apologies. i knew not how to love myself so how could i think i can understand how to love you properly. myself was broken, is broken prior your attempt of proving i am lovable. something i knew but was afraid to admit. and that just not only sabotaged a ton for us. for me.. it also took the simple and made it so so so complicated. it becoming me who tried to be the me i thought i needed to be. yes some parts were me me but that me me was the hurt me. the ME was hiding in a ball unsure of what or where or how i can do or be that ME again only to sit a ball and let me me spin in circles. playing the victim the martyr the child the lost the shadow i was not even whiling to look but knew i was not ME. i not blame game the contents in which played a role. I don't not blame the stuff that i put directly for effect. I do not blame any of all then on anyone. I own. I own. I own mine.
oy what was only suppose to be a coded sentence with a playlist my thought of the beginning middle and end is now a confessional of sorts. Oy vey
I only wish the ME was stronger, I only wish the ME wasn't afraid of being ME. I wish ME didn't let me me shit all over the place while knowing nothing about nothing but trying by not trying to become a better version. Though you saw the better version sometimes or even at the beginning. I hope one day ME has the opportunity to met YOU sometime again, somewhere where our strengths will benefit the positives for both of us. Our familiar I can not. I say that aloud and I say that with heart. I can not. the push and pull the want and not want the pick me the i can be the resentment i think there was the lies the denial the soapbox i stood on the soapbox i gently placed you on.. all of those things I can not. Do i miss it? no. I miss YOU. I want to say i forgive you but who am to say i need to? who am i say forgiving you is even something that my lesson is requiring. to say i forgive is to say there was act that needed that forgiveness and today the acts are of no importance. because today and recently it is not you that i need to forgive. I got forgive myself. . I just gotta keep working on forgiving myself first. the myself before the you . the myself during the you. the myself after the you. So work work ME is doing. but the me me thinks about the you you but me me is steadily being pushed back down to where he belongs. me me was sad. me me was not happy in his skin. me me loved but again me me didn't love himself … but ME, I #IAM , is ready to be proactive with what my purpose is here in this form on this earth. I AM seeing, living, appreciating , watching, learning, listening, processing, forgiving, smiling, laughing, being inspired, creating, taking action on life, breathing in moment, living and embracing moment to moment, now to now. [please don't take as though i did none of that in our time. I did. I don't disregard any of it or you. I look damn forward to meet the YOU again. ME do. ME do. :) ]
words blah blah blah ok thats all J[ohn] W[ayne]. thats all for now.
#youinspireme #fact
MADONNA: INSPIRES
Agree or dont agree. Its not bother to me.
My words I say are just that my words.
Lets begin.
it is a undoubtable fact that #madonna is the queen. Sure you may ask Queen of what? or maybe puff your chest and insert an negative thought or comment of the 2 cents of what you think she is or isn't. Lets leave the two cents in the wallet, disarm the negativity and deflate your chest and lets just agree that she is the queen of entertainment. You may not like it. your judgement may be residue from your youth when your mother use to say aloud how awful or unnecessary her acts her.
But let me just state that that unnecessary acts were maybe necessary but they were inspiring. A woman, like maybe you or your mother or grandmother , to say like is far fetch i know but bare with me, Ignore the the upbringing, the controversy, the sex, the voice, the not voice, the money the demands, the choices , the photoshoots, and everything that judgment can be passed on.. ignore all of that. What do you have? A woman. just like maybe you, your mother or grandmother.
Now that see just a woman, the difference between your mother, or maybe you or even your grandmother, is that without those connotations that are so easy judge, this woman is an inspiration because one simple tiny impactful fact. A fact that once you see it and hear it , I hope that an agreement is met, but the fact is and the difference is that SHE DID.
this woman didn't merely say she want be who she is today, she acted on it. She did it. Now doing anything is action that only bring positive. And by example this woman, though is similar should not be a punching bag or a joke from your lips but an inspiration. Because this woman has has moved mountains, broke records, is an entertainer, and have done the unthinkable. This inspiration inspired a gay like me in 1993 when she performed Vogue on the MTV music awards. If she had not.. I would not be who i am today. who knows how more lost a 13 year old boy i would have been if she did not DO. So again, agree or not , its no bother to me but just give a little credit, a little kudos for a fellow human being for DOING and maybe let it inspire you to DO what your heart, your mind, desire and live your purpose.
Have you yet?
Its not too late.
For fuck sake this TRAILER IS BANNANAS! #theinspirationalmovement
Today's moments
I can be curled up into a ball , debating my next
Then have the strength of a hundred men and disregard the low that was moments ago,
Though with chest puffed under my skin I feel it. Under my skin ..
Again ..
I have had a great then.
I have had a great adventure..
I have had experience every sense of the the love
I have experienced so many great things, pleople and places.
I have appreciated , sat in gratitude and gave.
I have had a tremendously beautiful life.
I have.
I would take nothing back.
Thank you world , this journey, this experience , this life, the love , the family, the friends , the everything one man would be lucky to have had in one lifetime.
Thank you.
Today , yesterday are everything I appreciated right now.
Sweet dreams
Sep 18 [ year unknown ]
i realize something... I realize that i let my lost takeover my everything. I allowed my lost contaminate things that weren't lost at one point.
I guess my lost aka fear aka doubt aka self sabotage aka insecurity aka societies view point of me aka my view point of me aka my cloudy momentary alter my everything..
Or was my everything exausted and just and needed a more scenic route to get to to that place..
There is only one thing worse then feeling like you are in this and have to do this all alone. beleiving that you are in this and have to do this all alone .
though intent was I'm sure genuine.
the execution was only a placeholder.
To fill the even fair is fair when
your space is occupied by another.
understanding the way the lion hunts is nothing compared
to finally understanding why the lion hunts.
The differences and similarities of the all
will only be just that until the all is actually there.